Girl Seeking Spider Killer

I consider myself to be a pretty independent girl. I have never really needed anyone to do things for me because I am more than capable of taking care of myself. However tonight I realized there are some things I just can't do. For example I do not have any of the skills required to cope with spiders, especially when it comes to disposing of them. I try to be brave, I try to stay calm, I even try to make a plan of attack, none of it works.

Earlier this evening I hopped into the shower and almost as soon as I did I knew that something was not right. There he was crawling in between my shampoo and shower gel, an eight legged terror. At first I hoped that I was only imagining what I had seen, perhaps it was a shadow? I braced myself and took a few steps closer, as I gazed down my worst fears were confirmed, not only was there a spider but he was on the move. A million thoughts raced through my mind "I can handle this... maybe I can kill it... I'll just have to be fast... but what if he runs at me... or falls on me... nope I can't deal with this I need back up!"

So I jumped out of the shower, grabbed a towel, and did the only thing I could think of. I opened the door and yelled "Dad hurry I need your help!!!" That's right I am five years old. Then I heard both of my parents running down the hall my mom yelling back "Oh no what's wrong?" That's when I realized that I had needlessly scared the hell out of them. I hurried through my explanation pointing at the spider as it inched along the edge of the bathtub. Of course my dad took care of the problem in seconds. He also almost slipped and fell due to the fact that I had splashed water all over the floor in my haste to exit the tub. After being assured that the spider was in fact taken care of my parents exited the bathroom laughing at my slight overreaction to the "small" creature.

After they left I realized that this was not the first incident of its kind. I had a similar incident once in Provo and jumped out of the shower making my room mate take care of the spider. Then I thought about the last time I actually killed a decent sized spider on my own. If I am at work when one appears I have someone else deal with it. If I am alone and find a spider I sometimes call a friend or sibling for advice. If I am alone it also ends one of two ways either I wait for someone else to come and rescue me or I try to take care of it myself. If I choose the second option I usually come up with crazy plans that have the potential to do me more harm than the spiders.

So there you have it I may not need someone to take me out to dinner and a movie (although that would be nice.) But I do need to have someone around to kill spiders for me. This is a 24/7 job since I never know when one may appear, I am actually quite sure that they wait til I am alone to strike. I am currently looking for qualified applicants, they must be able to deal with even the most disturbing arachnids, handle loud high pitched screaming and yelling, most importantly they need to guarantee that there is no chance of them letting a spider escape and attack later. If you know anyone who fits the bill let me know and we can set up an interview.