Plan Who Needs That?

For those of you who know me this time of year is a crazy mix of extreme stress, exhaustion, mild loneliness, gratitude, and joy all wrapped into one. Yeah the holiday season and I have a serious love/ hate relationship. This year I thought I would add a healthy dose of self reflection. I hear a lot of people talk about having a "plan" for where they want their life to be in a few years or where they wanted it to be now. I have never really done that... well I take that back. When I graduated high school I guess I kind of made a "plan" I was going to get a college degree, I would be married by the time I was 22, and once I moved out I was never going to live with my parents again. At the time it seemed like a pretty basic plan, I thought all of that was a given, I mean that's what everyone else did right?

So seeing how none of that has happened would I change anything? probably not. As a rule I try to live my life free of regrets. Actually the only regrets I have are missing opportunities because I was too scared to take them. I have learned to say what you think and not be afraid to ask for what you want even if you don't always get it. I can't honestly say I am completely happy right now. There are things I wish I had that I don't, however knowing this I also know that what I wanted back when I made my "plan" at the wise age of 18 is not what I want now. Right now I am satisfied with my choices if I have the courage to take big risks, if I win then I win big. If I lose, which is more often than not, I lose knowing that I went after what I wanted. I don't have to ask the "what if" question anymore.

Recently I did just that, I conquered my fears and asked for what I really wanted. I didn't get it, and surprisingly I am OK. To take things one step further I didn't settle for something kind of similar to what I needed, which is what I had been doing for a very long time. I took control of one part of my life and in doing this I feel like I reclaimed a part of myself. Kind of funny that the outcome I had been so scared of facing is actually ending up better than no outcome at all.

We all have set backs the important thing is that we don't let them keep us from moving on. Our plans for the future will probably get ruined time and time again, but I think its actually better that way. I can in all honesty say that I appreciate the twists and turns that have taken me to this very spot in my life. I have had many positive experiences, and my own share of disappointment. All of which have led me to this I am single, a college drop out, I live in my parents basement and I wouldn't change any of it.